


oh, baby baby (Or, Why Benny Weir Should Never Have Been Allowed To Have Powers)

by demonicbutterflies



Category: My Babysitter's A Vampire
Genre: Fuck Or Die, M/M, why yes i am ashamed of myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 14:09:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21303365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonicbutterflies/pseuds/demonicbutterflies
Summary: “Ethan. This is Bro Code. I’m activating Bro Code. I need you, man! You need to help me.”
Relationships: Ethan Morgan/Benny Weir
Comments: 43
Kudos: 242





	1. it was a graveyard smash

It was Monday morning and Ethan was putting books into his locker when Benny huffed up to him. He looked like a mess, his hair was askew and he had eyebags under his eyes. His shirt was inside out and he was visibly panting like he had just run a marathon. Ethan had been confused when he wasn’t there to meet him while they walked to school, and he took in his appearance with a frown. He nudged Benny on the shoulder, but not too hard, afraid he would keel over on the spot. “What’s up with you?” 

Instead of answering, Benny handed him one of the coffees he had. Ethan took a grateful sip, then promptly spit it all over Benny when he asked, “Are you a virgin? Be honest.”

Ethan pulled Benny closer to him and closed the locker door partially to shield them from the prying eyes of Whitechapel High School. “ _ What?! _ Wh- Why are you asking me this? Benny!”

“Ethan, just answer the question.”

“I think you know the answer to that!” Ethan hissed.

“So you and Sarah haven’t-” Benny made a confusing hand gesture, “Done the deed? Spanked the monkey? Um… did the monster mash?”

“Dude! Stop saying weird euphemisms! And no, Sarah and I aren’t dating anymore and we never got that far! Why are you asking!”

Benny threw his head back in relief. “Oh thank god. Listen, Ethan, I need you to come over tonight and tell no one. I uh… messed up a spell and I need your help.”

Ethan shook his head wildly. “That’s the most suspicious thing you’ve ever said to me. What the hell, no! I’m gonna need more explanation than that!”

“Ethan.” Benny grabbed Ethan by the shoulders, making their height difference more prominent. “Ethan. This is Bro Code. I’m activating Bro Code. I  _ need you _ , man! You need to help me.”

Ethan relented under Benny’s stare. “Okay, fine! But you owe me one.”

“Jeez, I can see where Jane gets it from. Okay, I’ll do whatever you want! Just, please, come over tonight.” Benny clapped Ethan on the upper arm then sprinted away to his first class. Ethan shook his head, afraid of what he’d gotten into this time.

* * *

At the end of the school day, Ethan made his excuses to his mom and entered the Weir household. The house was strangely empty, and Ethan walked around a bit before hearing Benny call up from his room, “I’m up here!”

The powerful smell of incense nearly knocked him over when he was coming up the stairs, and when he set foot in the room he noticed it looked like a tornado had come in, making various papers spread over the floor and unlit candles spill wax over the walls. Benny was currently drawing a black circle around his bed with black chalk. He drew some runes then looked up at Ethan. He looked a little better, like he had skipped school and slept instead of attending classes, and he was in full wizard mode, spellbook out and handy. He spun around. “Ethan! You’re just in time! You’re still a virgin, right?”

Ethan rolled his eyes. “No, on the way here, I had an orgy.” “Oh, really?” “No! Benny, what is this!”

Benny flipped to a bookmarked page in the spellbook. Ethan winced at the harsh treatment of the hundreds of years old book. “So, I was trying out a spell… And I guess I didn’t really read the fine print. Long story short, I uh, have to take your virginity or else I die in seven days. And I guess since I did this yesterday, I die in six days.”

Ethan stared at him in disbelief for a solid five seconds. And when Benny did not announce, “You’ve been Punk’d!” Ethan yanked the closet door open (what a metaphor!) and climbed in, holding the door closed behind him. “Benny!” he screeched, “What the  _ FUCK!” _

Benny threw his hands up where Ethan couldn’t see it through the slabs of the closet door. “It’s not my fault! Why do all these spellbooks contain all the important stuff in the fine print! Who has the time to read that!”

“Benny, this is all your fault and you know it,” Ethan fired back. “What kind of spell were you trying to do anyway?”

Benny turned so red Ethan could see it from inside the closet. “Um… well, it was a dick-lengthening spell. And uh, turns out it doesn’t work on virgins, and this tiny print I didn’t notice until after says if I don’t lose it in seven days time, then I explode! And dude, that sounds hella painful, and I do not want to go out that way. How pathetic is that?”

“Couldn’t you ask, like, anybody else!?! I’m straight!”

“I thought of that! But there’s no way I’m asking Rory and those girls would probably just let me die! I have way too much respect for them anyway, plus I’m not too sure of their virginity.”

Ethan gestured wildly to himself from within the closet where Benny could definitely not see him. “What about MY RESPECT!”

“Dude! It’s not like you haven’t seen my dick before!”

“Yeah, well, I have never wanted it in me! Or like, my dick in you! Oh my god! What is happening!”

“Please, Ethan! If you don’t I’ll die in six days!”

“Then die!”

* * *

Alternate ending where Ethan just lets Benny die. Fucking obliterated


	2. they did the mash (it was a monster mash)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bottom ethan rights

Ethan hears a groan then a crashing noise. He waits, and for a moment there is silence before he picks up on breathing from just outside his closet. Ethan, in turn, holds his breath. Then, softly… 

“Ethan. I’m… I’m really scared. And I know I’m not showing this but I really don’t want to die, and this is the last thing I wanted to ask of you and I understand if you hate me and I’m so sorry and we can just never speak of this again and I can just give up on magic and-”

The closet door slowly creaked open. One brown eye peered out. Ethan sighed in defeat. “Benny. I don’t hate you. Nothing could make me hate you.” Benny had a killer pout and Ethan opened the closet door a fraction of an inch more, reluctantly. “Okay, fine, I’ll do it, but we never speak of this again and you owe me one!”

Benny yipped excitedly like a dog and jumped up in the air. “Yes! Ethan, I promise to have the best sex ever with you, you won’t regret this!”

“I already do.”

“Should I get some rose petals?”

“Jesus. Okay, let’s just get this over with. Wait- who’s, um,” Ethan blushed, “Who’s… doing… who?”

Benny blinked. “Uh, I guess we could like, flip a coin? Rock paper scissors?”

“You want to rock paper scissors our virginity?”

Benny looked around. “Well, I don’t see a coin anywhere-”

Ethan relented. “Okay, okay, fine, just-”

Benny and Ethan both did scissors. Then they both did rock. Finally, Ethan did paper while Benny did scissors. Benny pumped a fist in the air in celebration. They both awkwardly got on the bed before just staring at each other. Benny scratched the back of his head. “Okay, uhhh… Now what?”

Ethan sent a quick mental prayer up to God. “Um, just, come over here. There’s no way I’m losing my virginity when we haven’t even kissed first.” And with that, Ethan darted his face forward and gave Benny a peck that lasted a solid millionth of a second. Benny touched his lips where Ethan had brushed it. “Ethan,” he stated. “That sucked.” 

Ethan bristled. “Yeah, okay, well, I’d like to see you trymmMPH!” Ethan was cut off by Benny’s lips on his. This close, Ethan could smell Benny’s stupid cologne and overall boyish musk. It was a smell that could not be described, only succinctly put together by the descriptor, “Benny.” Ethan was sure his face was heating up, and his eyes closed on instinct, only taking in the taste, the smell, the touch… Benny was gripping the back of Ethan’s shirt, but his grip slowly softened as the kiss went on. Benny bit down on Ethan’s bottom lip, and he gasped, so Benny took the opportunity to rove a curious tongue into his mouth. Ethan’s head was spinning. Kissing Benny was nothing like kissing Sarah, there was no innocence and something about Benny was so distinctly  _ boy _ . Benny’s hair tickled Ethan’s nose. He heard a small moan then realized it was him. Benny’s mouth did not taste like anything other than mouth, and maybe some mint mouthwash- apparently Benny had cleaned up for him before he came. Benny and Ethan broke the kiss, then quickly connected their mouths again, it was impossible to tell who kissed who. Benny’s lips were moving against his, and Ethan felt warm, and blooming, a trembling fire in Benny’s arms. Ethan had no oxygen, or maybe they were sharing oxygen, or bypassed oxygen altogether, becoming an element themselves, or, or…

Ethan broke the kiss this time, and as he leaned back to catch his breath, crashing back to Earth, a string of saliva connected their lips before breaking. It was kind of gross, but also kind of hot. His pupils were wide and blown, and one look at Benny confirmed his were as well. Benny wiped his lips. “Okay, uh, wanna get down to,” he waggled his eyebrows, “Monster mashing?”

Ethan considered slapping him, then remembered what was about to happen, so then he actually slapped him, hissing, “Don’t call it that or I will ACTUALLY just let you die. Just, um, stick it in me.”

Benny winced in sympathy, and because his head was smarting where Ethan had slapped it. He pulled off their shirts in one fluid motion and with a snap of his fingers all the candles were lit. “Last call on the rose petals…” Ethan just glared at him. Benny gingerly pulled their pants down out of the way and threw them far from the candles. Benny fidgeted, resolutely not looking under Ethan’s waistband. “Um… so would now be a good time to say I’m not exactly sure how this works…”

“Benny. Oh, my god. Do not tell me that. Benny, I don’t even like, masturbate! I’m a complete virgin and porn makes me uncomfortable because of how they treat women! Do not ask me how to do this!” Ethan threw his hands up in the air and leaned back, banging his head on Benny’s headboard. “Ow! For fuck’s sake, Benny! Figure something out!”

“Okay, okay!” Benny stepped out of his underwear. Ethan forced himself to look.

“That’s not going to fit.”

“It’s going to have to,” answered Benny grimly. Ethan stared at Benny’s, well, dick, despite himself.

“Did the dick lengthening spell work?”

Benny shook his head. “No! I told you, it doesn’t work on virgins! This is just, it’s uh, natural size.”

“Then why the hell did you want to make it bigger?! It’s not even hard yet and there’s no way that-” Ethan yanked his boxers down, “Is going to fit into THERE!” He gestured wildly. Benny was still not looking. He was beginning to think this was a bad idea. 

“Okay you know what maybe I should have just asked Rory-” he meeped, but Ethan grabbed his hands and made him sit down. He grabbed him by the head and pulled Benny over so they were forehead-to-forehead. 

“No. We’ve gotten this far, and we’re not turning back now. You’re taking my virginity right now, and you’re taking it good, okay?!”

Benny laughed a little, a breathy awkward chuckle. “Hell of a motivating speech you got there.” 

Ethan huffed. “Shut up.” Benny maneuvered himself over, holding his still soft dick over Ethan’s entrance.

“Okay, um, here goes…”

It was instantly clear that nothing was going to happen this way. Ethan’s eyes were squeezed shut in anticipation, and with Benny’s dick limp as it was, nothing was going in to anything. Ethan clenched the bedsheets. Benny gulped. “Okay, uh, I think I’m gonna have to get hard first…” He tried jacking himself, but the situation was decidedly unsexy. Everyone involved was incredibly uncomfortable and little Benny was not feeling it. Ethan sighed, eyes still closed.

“Just-” And then Ethan was leaning up and kissing him again. They lost their breath, and Ethan’s hand closed over Benny’s, moving up and down as one. Slowly, his dick went erect as the kissing turned sensual. Benny managed to get just the tip in when Ethan pushed him back violently. There were actual tears budding at the corners of Ethan’s eyes. “Okay, no. No, I can’t do this. It hurts too much. Benny, it hurts. Please don’t make me do this.” Ethan let out a small sob. 

“Okay, um, I think I know the problem.” Benny fetched out of the side drawer a small bottle. It had a clear viscous fluid inside. “Ta-da! Lube. I think this will make it easier on you.” He poured out a little onto his hand. “I’ll be able to, like, slip inside, I think.”

Ethan wiped his eyes, a little ashamed of himself. What happened to his tolerance for pain? “Okay, okay, just do it.” Benny slipped a finger in, just his pinky. Ethan hissed in shock. “Benny! That’s cold!” Benny hastily withdrew and smeared more of the lube onto his hands, rubbing them together to warm them up.

“Uh, this might be a little late, but do we need like, a condom?” Ethan shook his head.

“We’re both virgins and it’s not like I can get pregnant.”

Benny nodded and blew on his hands a little to see if that would warm it up. Predictably, it did nothing. He decided to just try again. This time, it went in a little smoother and Ethan did not protest. 

Benny moved his pinky around a little, unsure of what he should be doing or if he should be looking for anything. If anything, it just felt weird. And from the look on Ethan’s face, it was weird for him too. Guess sex isn’t all that’s cracked up to be. “More fingers,” Ethan croaked out. Benny obliged. This one did not go in as smoothly as the first one. It was more of a stretch, and reached further than the other finger. Ethan scrunched his face up, not in any pain, more just intensely uncomfortable. He shifted, bearing down on the fingers and wiggling a little when he felt a twinge run up his spine like a static shock. He tried to replicate the feeling but was unable to. Suddenly Benny was adding a third finger and Ethan gasped as his vision whited out, far from a seer vision but something entirely new. The static shock traveled up his spine again, sending tingles throughout his body. Ethan felt full, too full already despite there only being two fingers in there. Benny was scissoring his fingers, clumsy and unsure of what he was doing despite all he had learned from the porn he had hastily watched before Ethan had come over. He stroked his walls slowly, rubbing little circles in with an unpracticed hand. He watched Ethan’s face carefully for any signs of distress, but the discomfort was gone and Ethan was just trying to get him to hit that one area again. Ethan’s cock had been soft thus far, but stirred to life whenever Benny hit the spot. Where was it? Ethan gasped a little. “Benny. Benny, right there, I swear to god, right there.” Benny began to jab at the area, slipping a little and going right below it. Ethan opened one eye to glare at him before his eyes rolled back when Benny hit the spot exactly. “HOLY- what is that?”

“I believe that is the prostate!” Benny began to massage it in earnest. Ethan let out quiet little pants, squirming somewhat, unable to hold himself still. He was fully hard by now. Although no one had touched his dick, it was still red and straining, and his ass felt completely stretched. 

Ethan moaned, “Benny, Benny you need to stop I think I’m gonna-”

Benny hit his prostate again instead of answering. “That’s right, E, just-” and then Ethan came, embarrassingly quick. Ethan slumped, going boneless right up against the headboard. 

“I’m starting to think I’m not as straight as I thought.”

Benny snorted. “You think?”

Ethan glared, but it was weakened by the fact that Benny’s fingers were still up his ass. “I  _ think  _ that you should fuck me right now before I lose the nerve.”

Benny protested, “But you just came! I know you’re a teenage boy, but don’t you still have a refractory period or whatever?”

Ethan rolled his eyes. “I’m already stretched, just put it in.”

Benny shifted so he was more on the bed and less likely to fall off. Ethan sat up and spread his legs. Instantly nervous again, he braced himself with one hand while he looked up at Benny beseechingly. “So, uh… How do you want me?”

Benny guided him down so that his legs were on either side of him and they were face-to-face. “Just like this.”

They leaned forward and captured each others lips again in a searing kiss. Benny guided his dick to the tight ring he had just stretched and pushed in. Ethan was pushing too but the opposite direction and with a slick pop he was in. Ethan was panting again and pushed at Benny’s bare chest weakly. “Okay, stop, give me a second…”

They both took a moment to breathe, to just let the moment sink in. Benny smiled at Ethan. “Guess I just popped your cherry…”

“Alright, move.” Ethan pulled him closer and let out a pained, “Hnngh!” and his face twisted with the strain. Benny made to move back but Ethan did not let go of his death grip on his shoulder. “I’m alright, just give me a second.” Benny held as still as he could for what seemed like hours before Ethan gave him a shaky thumbs up. He painstakingly pushed in, keeping his eyes trained on Ethan’s. Ethan’s facial expression did not change, his eyes were still scrunched up and his eyebrows were still knit together. Yeah, this wasn’t going to work. 

Benny tapped him on the chin. “Ethan. Look at me, okay?” Ethan cracked his eyes open. “Look into my eyes, E.” Ethan did and his eyebrows slowly unknit and his face unscrunched. Benny squeezed his hand and finally bottomed out. They let out a twin sigh. Ethan shifted, when- ah! That spot again! What was it Benny had called it? 

“Oh god, B, hit that spot again.” His dick had taken an interest in the proceedings. There was still pain, but it was quickly turning to pleasure. Ethan felt like liquid fire had come in and replaced his blood. His skin felt fire, his face felt fire, and his limbs were liquid and melting under Benny’s touch. Then they were kissing again, and they were on fire. Ethan vaguely wondered if one of the candles had tipped over or something. All in all, it wasn’t a terrible way to go. Benny hitched one of Ethan’s legs over his shoulder in an astounding display of athleticism that he didn’t know he was capable of and was sure to regret later. And then he was going, not pounding into him but strong thrusts. This wasn’t fucking- it was making love. He was making rhythmic little grunts and Ethan’s panting was back at full force. 

“That’s it E, god you’re so tight…”

Ethan leaned his forehead against Benny’s sweat-covered shoulder. He dragged his nails across Benny’s back and watched his skin turn pink. He was literally glowing, and one particularly strong thrust made Ethan grasp Benny’s curls and pull. Then Benny was gasping and losing control, pushing Ethan down and thrusting hard. Ethan continued to pull his hair as they kissed again. “Benny… B, I’m gonna…”

Benny breathed against Ethan’s lips and bit Ethan’s shoulder blade. Apparently Ethan had a pain kink this whole time, because the yellow spark of pain and pleasure all twined up into one sent Ethan’s eyes rolling back into his head as he forgot his own name and only how to feel, his toes curled, his fists clenched and pulling hair, and spasming out a little he clenched down on Benny and they came at the same time, reaching an orgasm that propelled them to the stars. It was a pretty spectacular orgasm. 

Benny pulled out of Ethan and flopped, boneless, beside him on the small twin bed. He blew his hair out of his face where it landed where it had been before and looked over at Ethan, who looked vaguely catatonic. His pupils were blown wide, and he looked high. All those feel-good chemicals were coursing through his system, and he suddenly felt very tired. Suddenly he lashed out and bonked Benny on the nose. “Ow! What was that for!”

“My ass hurts!” he complained, “And why didn’t we use a condom! Now there’s semen dripping out of my butt, thanks a lot, asshole!”

The candles were all blown out, blown by a strange wind that had swept through the room when they had came. They took a moment to catch their breaths and marvel at the turn of events that had led them there. Benny turned his head slowly. “Sooo… round two?”

“At least take me to dinner first,” Ethan grumbled. He didn’t sound like he was joking. Benny’s heart was in his throat. “Soooooo…. It’s a date?”

Ethan’s face was still in a frown, but he slowly smiled a megawatt smile and then he was laughing hysterically. “Oh god! We did this all out of order, huh!”

Benny was laughing too, banging his leg on his nightstand and curling over with exertion. “Totally out of order! Just going from fourth base back to second!”

“First sex then a date? GOD, Benny, we should just get married next.”

And then Benny was rolling over and nuzzling his face into the crook of Ethan’s shoulder and neck, breathing in his shampoo. “Hmmm… it’s a date.”

Ethan pulled the covers up over them and relented to Benny’s koala-bear cuddle. “Hmm, yeah… it’s a date.”

* * *

The next day, Tuesday, after school, Sarah was trying to pinpoint what was up with Ethan. For one thing, there seemed to be bite marks on his neck but he didn’t smell like a vampire. Rather…. She sniffed the air contemplatively. He smelled like Benny. While they usually smelled the same, they had never smelled this similar. And today he seemed happy, albeit limping, a strange loping step that made her sure he was aching a little. Strange…

Benny came bounding up like Tigger, looking ecstatic. He didn’t have any strange limps but he looked as if he had had his hair pulled, with bite marks littering his neck as well… In short, he looked like…

“Sex,” she realized, “You two had sex!”

Ethan’s eyes bugged out at her. “Keep it down now, would you! I’m sure there’s some teachers out there that haven’t heard you yet!”

Sarah was freaking out. “You guys had sex! What the hell, I didn’t even know you were dating! And Ethan, every time I asked you you always said no and I figured you were asexual or something! Ethan, you’re supposed to tell me these things!”

Ethan grabbed Benny’s hand and pulled him in to their little huddle. “Demisexual, and first of all we only started dating yesterday because Dumb-bledore here messed up a spell that required me to take his virginity. And I’m sorry for not telling you, but in my defense I only figured this out yesterday. Please forgive me.”

Sarah stomped one foot. “Fine, but..” she looked around furtively, “Who bottomed?” Ethan could only roll his eyes. Benny winked suggestively at Sarah and pointed aggressively at Ethan. “He totally took it up the ass!” mouthed Benny, except it wasn’t really mouthing, because everyone in the hallway could hear him. Ethan smacked him.

“Next time, we switch.”

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from fucktime by green day. or it could be from picture perfect by the regrettes you decide  
also, im gonna write season 3 for nanowrimo! no one else was gonna do it. go scream at me @queerbennyweir on tumblr.


End file.
